Q: My 15-year-old son receives A and B grades and attends a very rigorous college prep school. He admitted to drinking at a school function last week and was suspended for one day. We have grounded him for 30 days. This is the first time we have ever had to do this. Does the punishment fit the crime? We are social drinkers at home.

A: Both you and the school made a wise decision to attach a serious consequence to your 15-year-old's illegal and inappropriate use of alcohol. However, to fairly determine whether or not 30 days of grounding was a fair punishment on your part, I would need to know:

1. How your son got the alcohol beverage. Did he bring it to the school function or did someone else?

2. How much did he have to drink and was his behavior a disruptive force and a danger to himself, or others at the school function?

Since you've already given him 30 days of punishment, here's what you might want to do now. As non-judgmentally and non-confrontationally as you can, ask him what consequence he would have given if he was the parent and you were the son?

It's always a good idea to give a teen a chance to voice his or her own opinion. Let him know that even if he feels you were too strict in your punishment, you gave it to emphasize the fact that you were disappointed in him for breaking the law and you wanted to emphasize to him that he shouldn't engage in underage drinking again. Should he reply, "Everybody's doing it, drinking isn't such a big deal," be sure to share the latest statistics with him.

According to the National Survey on Drug Use and Health, 71 percent of 12-20 year-olds do not drink. Let him know that you expect him to be in that majority.

As to the issue of your own drinking, that is your right as an adult as long as you are a role model for socially responsible drinking.

Good luck, one parent to another.

Q: How do you prevent alcohol from becoming the "forbidden fruit"? I have two boys in high school who are struggling with peer pressure.

So far, we have been lucky. But I am concerned because my sons do attend parties where the parents actually serve alcohol to underage children.

Thank you for your time.

A: It's not luck alone that has kept your teenagers from the illegal and inappropriate use of alcohol beverages. Give some credit to yourself for being the kind of watchful, respected parent who has influence over her sons' decisions to resist peer pressure. Let's hope more parents will have your good sense to say "no" to serving alcohol to underage drinkers at parties.

Three strategies you and other parents in this situation might find helpful in protecting children from the "forbidden fruit" are:

1. Make your position against underage drinking clear in a non-judgmental and non-confrontational manner. Explain to them that while some of their friends may be making bad choices, not everybody in their age group is drinking. Quite the opposite is true. In fact, the most recent National Survey on Drug Use and Health shows that 71 percent of 12-20 year-olds do not drink.

2. Share with them the list of ten ways to say "no" to friends who try to encourage them to drink. You'll find that list right here on our Family Talk web site.

3. Let them know that you understand that it's difficult to say "no" when peers pressure you to drink. Tell them you are proud of them for having the courage and good sense to say "no".

Lastly, with our "Responsibility Matters" theme in mind, we developed a new program called Prevent, Don't Provide that reminds parents that hosting a party with alcohol for teens and their teen's friends is illegal and irresponsible. You can learn more about the program on our Family Talk web site.

Q: On two occasions, I have found alcohol hidden in my 16-year-old daughter's drawer. She is a triplet and one of her sisters was aware of it. We had a family meeting to discuss it, and they both stated that "they were holding it for a friend." While I do not completely believe this, I don't know how to prevent this behavior in the future.

Thank you for your help.

A: Confucius said, "He who makes one mistake and does not learn from it makes two mistakes."

Your 16-year-old daughters have made two mistakes by hiding alcohol in their drawer on separate occasions. Even if it's true that "they were holding it for a friend," they should have stopped after the first time you spoke to them about it. My suggestion would be to tell your daughters that their actions have forced you to take away their right to privacy-a right that teenagers are almost obsessive about maintaining. Let them know that since they broke the bond of trust between you, they have forced you to check their closets, rooms, backpacks and wherever else you think they may be hiding things.

Make certain you explain this "consequence" for their behavior as calmly and clearly as possible. Also, make sure they realize that they, not you, are responsible for them losing their right to privacy. Let them know that in a month-or whatever period of time you feel appropriate-you hope to be able to give them back this right. You might want to share with your daughters a truth I have shared with my own children: "For every right, there is a responsibility-the responsibility to use that right responsibly."

And finally, remind them that underage drinking is against the law and your family rules. Make your position against underage drinking clear in a non-judgmental and non-confrontational manner. Explain to them that while some of their friends may be making bad choices, not everybody in their age group is drinking. Quite the opposite is true. In fact, the most recent National Survey on Drug Use and Health shows that 71 percent of 12-20 year-olds do not drink.

Good luck.

Q: Our 17-year-old son has started drinking and driving despite our efforts to educate all three of our teenagers on the effects of alcohol and driving while impaired.

He has already had one accident-which did not involve anyone else.

We made him pay for the repairs to his vehicle, and he swore this would never happen again. We also set down rules and specific consequences regarding drinking and driving. A week later, he was found drinking in his room where he stashed a supply of beer of which we were unaware.

As time passed, we felt we had to begin to trust again. We limited his time out of the house and told him that we would be watching him closely. Last night, he was drinking and driving again. We are not sure what else to do other than take his vehicle away so he doesn't kill or hurt anyone including himself.

We thought about getting him in some sort of program but we are having a hard time finding one he can attend. We feel very confused about his choices since I don't drink, and my wife is a social drinker. His grades are excellent; he works part time and is generally a good kid.

Any help on this is greatly appreciated.

A: Your son needs more than lectures and punishments from you to stop his illegal and inappropriate drinking habit. For both his sake and that of those he may injure or kill by driving drunk, promptly get in touch with your local hospital or health care plan. Explain the situation to them. Knowing the complete story, these professionals will be able to put your son in a program aimed at solving his problem.

In the meantime, check a web site called www.alanon.com which will provide information on ALATEEN, a program which specifically targets youth between 12 and 20 who abuse alcohol beverages. Most cities have free programs and support systems to help teenagers like your son.

Harsh as this may sound, immediately explain to your son (I'm sure you have done this over and over already) that because you love him and want to keep him safe, you are taking away the keys to the car until he goes to a program or support group.

Then take away his keys! Drinking at his age is illegal and inappropriate.

Good luck